2 weeks left

In two weeks, actually 15 days, Cliff will be dead one year. I truly did not think I wanted to live after he died. He was so much a part of me, it was as if someone took my reason to live away.

I am afraid I will forget his wonderful laugh one day. That scares me the most. I have always been the type person that has always avoided funerals, viewings, etc. telling everyone I wanted to remember people as they were when they were alive. I am having a really hard time remembering Cliff healthy. I remember the night he died like it was yesterday and will have that image in my mind until the day I die. I guess the proximity of time is bringing it all back with a vengence.

Cliff was diagnosed with Cancer and became a completely different person than the one he was before cancer. I knew he loved me before cancer, but never put anyone else first. After cancer, it was different. He cared more about everyone.

I wish he was here, I miss my best friend.

First Blog June 09,2008

Well this is my first post on my new blog. It is late so I will make it short and sweet. I am a widow of almost 11 months. I have 3 biological children and 2 children that are dear to my heart from my husband. I love all of them. I have 5 grandchildren. Yep, I'm 47 with a big family.

My sister and brother in law are also considered to be my immediate family. My sister is my best friend.I have a long-time friend Lynn, who I also consider one of my best friends. They are both funny and keep me on track.

I hope blogging will keep me sane. I have had a rough 10 1/2 months since my husband died and 4 years during his cancer. I miss him everyday. The anniversary of his death is coming up and I need to just talk about everything.